This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
