he puts the penis in happiness.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
