I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
