I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize