got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
is wine microwaveable?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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