I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
