I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
