went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have post one night stand depression
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