My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
