you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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