and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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