"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
