found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
