It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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