im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
