My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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