also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
