We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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