i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
