Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
