So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
