i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
