Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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