turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
