Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have feelings that need drinking.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
