i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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