im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
