the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
