we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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