so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
