He passed out mid-signature
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
