That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
