you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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