you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize