Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
