everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
