I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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