Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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