I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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