I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
