I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
