GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
