you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
