I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
