dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
