I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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