probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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