the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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