worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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