You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
