I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
