remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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