FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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