every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That was an excessively violent trivia night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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