You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
