So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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