I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
