yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize