my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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