I look better un-naked...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
