I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
