oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
