you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
