When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
