hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
