My friends, they love my intelligence
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
