There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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