Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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