Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
