I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
