You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
