I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The adults are the big ones right?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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