I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
