i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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