Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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