then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
