So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
