And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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