DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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