Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My liver just had a heart attack.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
