My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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