I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
