you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
