ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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