she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
