I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
