Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
