this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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