I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
