Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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