I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize