and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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