i already hear my dad disowning me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
